opening act

        Upon entering my last year as an undergraduate, I made some changes in my life.  Change worth writing about, hence why I have started this up again.  I find myself thinking a lot about the fact that I should put my thoughts down in some sort of journal, because I'm nostalgic like that. :) I call last year the time when "I fell off the face of the earth for a while."  I hurt a lot of people who love me more than I deserve, and those of you who end up reading this... I will never be able to express how sorry I am.  I never thought I would be that girl-- the one who let a guy manipulate and beat down her character, and anything else he could get his hands on really-- but, let's face it, thats who I became. 

         It wasn't sudden, he was very strategic about his ways.  As mom so gracefully put it, I was "like a frog in a frying pan."  I didnt even know it was happening until I had lost myself and many people I never thought would walk away.  What is crazy is that about half way through it all I had made up my mind that I wanted out, before the proposal.  I was just too scared of him to end it, or say no.  I think the final straw, after most of my family had given up (which should have been motivation enough), was when my best friend gave up.  We had been through so much together, much more than typical friends go through, and even she had had enough of it. About three weeks later I told him I was done. 

         I say all of that to say this, you really have no idea just how miserable you are until you decide to be happy, no matter what fear may be holding you back.  I can honestly say that I have never been happier than I am now, and not just because of him but because I made a decision to trust in God for my future.  I handed it over. Since then, God has given me little glimpses of what He has prepared for me for my future.  All I had to do was let go. I got my family back, my friends, and most importantly.. myself.  I had lost myself somehow, however cliche that sounds.  The only thing I gained from all of it was a huge lesson learned about myself and love and life, and a ton of weight. lol  Which, as a matter of fact, I have lost ALL of since then.  uh-thankyou. :) 

         I have however, since then, decided that I will be entering seminary school in the spring to get my masters in Biblical Counseling.  Also, I have found the most incredible, intellectual, adorable, DREAM guy and have fallen in love... madly. Treston Teague, you are what my mother has been praying for my entire life.  But there will be an entire blog about you soon.. if I continue I will start crying, as tears have already began to well up, and I have spin class in 15 minutes. :)

                                    Thanks for listening.  Love you.